Scott: How many kids do you want?
Jack: From you? None.
Scott: Seriously
Jack: Still none. Horrible puking things.
Scott: You don’t like kids?
Jack: If it’s any consolation, I don’t like old people either
Scott: How about you, Lou?
Louisa: I’m with Jack on this one
Scott: What’s wrong with you guys? Babies are cute.
Louisa: So are rabbits – that doesn’t mean I want to push one out of my vagina
Jack: The desire to produce little versions of ourselves is humanity’s most disturbing psychosis
Louisa: Exactly. One big ego trip.
Scott: What are you talking about? We need babies to survive.
Jack: There are seven billion people on this planet – we passed the survival threshold some time ago
Louisa: And it’s convenient, isn’t it, that the only way our species can survive is for me to get fat and stay indoors while my husband gets rich and screws his secretary
Bus XLVII
Louisa: Think I’ll go to Church this week. Haven’t been for a while.
Jack: Surely you don’t still believe all that crap?
Louisa: I do, as it happens
Jack: Oh c’mon, you can't seriously believe there’s a magical man in the sky who’ll fix all your problems?
Louisa: I don’t think it’s a man – or a woman, come to that – and I don’t know if they’ll fix all my problems...but yeah, I believe there’s something up there
Jack: Can’t you see you’ve just been brainwashed by your parents?
Louisa: You got atheism from your parents, so what’s the difference?
Jack: Plenty. Atheism isn’t a belief...it’s an absence of belief. There’s simply no proof for religion.
Louisa: It’s not about proof, it’s about faith
Jack: Yeah, that’s what your lot keep saying so you don’t have to provide any proof
Louisa: There’s loads of stuff you believe in without any proof
Jack: Like what?
Louisa: You believe in the Green Man
Jack: Huh?
Louisa: When you’re crossing a road, you always wait for the Green Man. I’ve never seen you run across.
Jack: Yeah, cos I don’t want to get knocked down
Louisa: So you, in fact, believe that this magical Green Man protects you from harm? You believe the Green Man is interested in your personal well-being?
Jack: The Green Man doesn’t exist. He’s just a light.
Louisa: If he’s just a light, why d'you trust him with your life?
Jack: Because I’ve always trusted him before and I’ve never got knocked down
Louisa: Yeah, but why did you first start trusting him? When you first crossed a road, how did you know he was there to help you?
Jack: I dunno, I guess my mum told me...
Louisa: Oh, you mean like my mum told me there’s a God?
Jack: Yeah, but she didn’t claim the Green Man was some magical being. She said he was created by humans...
Louisa: According to you, religion was created by humans. Why believe in one manmade thing but not another?
Jack: Everyone believes in the Green Man...
Louisa: Couple of centuries ago, everyone believed in God. You've no proof that the Green Man is looking out for your welfare. He could have his own agenda. Yet you believe in him anyway.
Jack: What you’re saying doesn’t make logical sense
Louisa: Logic's meaningless - a cunning argument can prove anything. Face it, Jack, you’re a crowd follower. Just like me.
Jack: Surely you don’t still believe all that crap?
Louisa: I do, as it happens
Jack: Oh c’mon, you can't seriously believe there’s a magical man in the sky who’ll fix all your problems?
Louisa: I don’t think it’s a man – or a woman, come to that – and I don’t know if they’ll fix all my problems...but yeah, I believe there’s something up there
Jack: Can’t you see you’ve just been brainwashed by your parents?
Louisa: You got atheism from your parents, so what’s the difference?
Jack: Plenty. Atheism isn’t a belief...it’s an absence of belief. There’s simply no proof for religion.
Louisa: It’s not about proof, it’s about faith
Jack: Yeah, that’s what your lot keep saying so you don’t have to provide any proof
Louisa: There’s loads of stuff you believe in without any proof
Jack: Like what?
Louisa: You believe in the Green Man
Jack: Huh?
Louisa: When you’re crossing a road, you always wait for the Green Man. I’ve never seen you run across.
Jack: Yeah, cos I don’t want to get knocked down
Louisa: So you, in fact, believe that this magical Green Man protects you from harm? You believe the Green Man is interested in your personal well-being?
Jack: The Green Man doesn’t exist. He’s just a light.
Louisa: If he’s just a light, why d'you trust him with your life?
Jack: Because I’ve always trusted him before and I’ve never got knocked down
Louisa: Yeah, but why did you first start trusting him? When you first crossed a road, how did you know he was there to help you?
Jack: I dunno, I guess my mum told me...
Louisa: Oh, you mean like my mum told me there’s a God?
Jack: Yeah, but she didn’t claim the Green Man was some magical being. She said he was created by humans...
Louisa: According to you, religion was created by humans. Why believe in one manmade thing but not another?
Jack: Everyone believes in the Green Man...
Louisa: Couple of centuries ago, everyone believed in God. You've no proof that the Green Man is looking out for your welfare. He could have his own agenda. Yet you believe in him anyway.
Jack: What you’re saying doesn’t make logical sense
Louisa: Logic's meaningless - a cunning argument can prove anything. Face it, Jack, you’re a crowd follower. Just like me.
Bus XLVI
Louisa: Sports Day soon
Jack: Oh yeah. I wonder if Bobby Langford can win back his long-jump record.
Louisa: What're you talking about? He still holds the record.
Jack: Nah, Moses Friar beat it last year. Don’t you remember his amazing jump?
Louisa: Moses did a good jump, sure...but Bobby still holds the record
Jack: Are you kidding me? Has Moses Friar’s achievement just been airbrushed out of history?
Louisa: Maybe you’re thinking of that jump where he was disqualified for going past the line
Jack: I’m telling you, he beat the record. You’ve just forgotten.
Louisa: Whatever
Jack: If people are forgetting this, who knows what else they're forgetting? It's all very well for the majority to partake of that mindless boogie you call the present, but a courageous few must safeguard past truths for future generations. This sacred duty...
Enter Scott
Louisa: Hey, who holds the Sports Day long-jump record?
Scott: Everyone knows that: Bobby Langford
Louisa: See!
Jack: Nah, Moses Friar beat it last year
Scott: Moses? He was home ill last Sports Day.
Jack: Shit, really? What about the year before that?
Scott: Did a good jump, but it was nowhere near Bobby's
Louisa: Thank God some of us are safeguarding past truths for future generations
Jack: Oh yeah. I wonder if Bobby Langford can win back his long-jump record.
Louisa: What're you talking about? He still holds the record.
Jack: Nah, Moses Friar beat it last year. Don’t you remember his amazing jump?
Louisa: Moses did a good jump, sure...but Bobby still holds the record
Jack: Are you kidding me? Has Moses Friar’s achievement just been airbrushed out of history?
Louisa: Maybe you’re thinking of that jump where he was disqualified for going past the line
Jack: I’m telling you, he beat the record. You’ve just forgotten.
Louisa: Whatever
Jack: If people are forgetting this, who knows what else they're forgetting? It's all very well for the majority to partake of that mindless boogie you call the present, but a courageous few must safeguard past truths for future generations. This sacred duty...
Enter Scott
Louisa: Hey, who holds the Sports Day long-jump record?
Scott: Everyone knows that: Bobby Langford
Louisa: See!
Jack: Nah, Moses Friar beat it last year
Scott: Moses? He was home ill last Sports Day.
Jack: Shit, really? What about the year before that?
Scott: Did a good jump, but it was nowhere near Bobby's
Louisa: Thank God some of us are safeguarding past truths for future generations
Bus XLV
Louisa: Where’s Scott?
Jack: Went home halfway through Art. Said he had a dentist's appointment.
Louisa: Surely anyone can see Scott doesn’t go to the dentist?
Jack: Well, you know Mrs Fibonacci...she’s an optimist. It was a pretty good lesson too. About perspective.
Louisa: Look who it is!
Enter Scott
Jack: Hey, I thought you’d gone home?
Scott: Yeah, that didn’t work out
Louisa: What happened?
Scott: Well, I tried to walk across the field backwards. Figured that if a teacher saw me, they’d think I was walking into school...instead of out.
Louisa: That’s so clever!
Scott: Didn’t work though. Mr Finch saw me through his periscope.
Jack: Y'know, you really should’ve stayed ‘til the end of that Art lesson
Jack: Went home halfway through Art. Said he had a dentist's appointment.
Louisa: Surely anyone can see Scott doesn’t go to the dentist?
Jack: Well, you know Mrs Fibonacci...she’s an optimist. It was a pretty good lesson too. About perspective.
Louisa: Look who it is!
Enter Scott
Jack: Hey, I thought you’d gone home?
Scott: Yeah, that didn’t work out
Louisa: What happened?
Scott: Well, I tried to walk across the field backwards. Figured that if a teacher saw me, they’d think I was walking into school...instead of out.
Louisa: That’s so clever!
Scott: Didn’t work though. Mr Finch saw me through his periscope.
Jack: Y'know, you really should’ve stayed ‘til the end of that Art lesson
Bus XLIV
Louisa: Is Scott coming too?
Jack: Said he might pop round later, but he’s off to the bank first
Louisa: There’s a cash machine near you!
Jack: Doesn’t use 'em. Says they’re too impersonal.
Louisa: Really? I like talking to as few people as possible.
Jack: It all goes back to this time when he was young and he decided his dream job was to sell condoms in public toilets
Louisa: That’s his dream job? Selling condoms?
Jack: Yeah, he gave a whole speech on it in Year 2. Reckons it’d be super-rewarding. Making people safe from STDs, but also bringing them pleasure...via ribs, flavours, and so on.
Louisa: True, I guess. But why especially in public toilets? I didn't think he even used toilets.
Jack: Yeah, but he's still fascinated by them. Like how in the desert they all sit around discussing snow.
Louisa: Do they?
Jack: So I've heard. Anyway, when he found out they have machines that do it, he was heartbroken...blames the condom machines for putting him out of a job. So yeah, he wants to make sure no one else suffers the same fate.
Louisa: He’s a surprisingly deep thinker, isn’t he
Jack: You should see him when he’s had too much sugar
Louisa: But wait a sec, he was really pleased about the new library check-out machines. They put Larry Flack out of a job.
Jack: Yeah, but school employees don’t have real feelings like you or I do
Jack: Said he might pop round later, but he’s off to the bank first
Louisa: There’s a cash machine near you!
Jack: Doesn’t use 'em. Says they’re too impersonal.
Louisa: Really? I like talking to as few people as possible.
Jack: It all goes back to this time when he was young and he decided his dream job was to sell condoms in public toilets
Louisa: That’s his dream job? Selling condoms?
Jack: Yeah, he gave a whole speech on it in Year 2. Reckons it’d be super-rewarding. Making people safe from STDs, but also bringing them pleasure...via ribs, flavours, and so on.
Louisa: True, I guess. But why especially in public toilets? I didn't think he even used toilets.
Jack: Yeah, but he's still fascinated by them. Like how in the desert they all sit around discussing snow.
Louisa: Do they?
Jack: So I've heard. Anyway, when he found out they have machines that do it, he was heartbroken...blames the condom machines for putting him out of a job. So yeah, he wants to make sure no one else suffers the same fate.
Louisa: He’s a surprisingly deep thinker, isn’t he
Jack: You should see him when he’s had too much sugar
Louisa: But wait a sec, he was really pleased about the new library check-out machines. They put Larry Flack out of a job.
Jack: Yeah, but school employees don’t have real feelings like you or I do
Bus XLIII
Louisa: How come you’re doing homework on here?
Jack: It's my mum's birthday meal tonight, so I won’t have time later
Louisa: Fair enough. What is it?
Jack: Physics
Louisa: Oh, can I copy?
Jack: Sure
Louisa: Fuck, I haven’t got mine with me. I’ll just look at yours and memorise it.
Jack: Yes, that’s bound to end well
Louisa: What’s that mean? Quick, give us a look before I have to get off.
Jack: Remember that time you dropped my mum’s shopping list down a drain cos you swore you had it memorised? It took a week to eat all that cabbage.
Louisa: So these are planets, right? What’s that small one?
Jack: Mercury. It’s small, moves very quickly, looks a bit fuzzy to the naked eye.
Louisa: Sounds like Scott. What’s the one next to it?
Jack: That’s Venus, the brightest one. Looks kinda beautiful when you see it...
Louisa: Sounds like me. I'd better go. Fax me the rest.
Jack: Fax you?
Louisa: You know what I mean! E-mail.
Exit Louisa
Jack: ...but deadly up close
Jack: It's my mum's birthday meal tonight, so I won’t have time later
Louisa: Fair enough. What is it?
Jack: Physics
Louisa: Oh, can I copy?
Jack: Sure
Louisa: Fuck, I haven’t got mine with me. I’ll just look at yours and memorise it.
Jack: Yes, that’s bound to end well
Louisa: What’s that mean? Quick, give us a look before I have to get off.
Jack: Remember that time you dropped my mum’s shopping list down a drain cos you swore you had it memorised? It took a week to eat all that cabbage.
Louisa: So these are planets, right? What’s that small one?
Jack: Mercury. It’s small, moves very quickly, looks a bit fuzzy to the naked eye.
Louisa: Sounds like Scott. What’s the one next to it?
Jack: That’s Venus, the brightest one. Looks kinda beautiful when you see it...
Louisa: Sounds like me. I'd better go. Fax me the rest.
Jack: Fax you?
Louisa: You know what I mean! E-mail.
Exit Louisa
Jack: ...but deadly up close
Bus XLII
Louisa: Where’s Scott?
Jack: He got picked up by Marlene
Louisa: Don’t you find that a bit creepy?
Jack: I find everything involving Scott a bit creepy
Louisa: Yeah, but don’t you feel she’s using him?
Jack: Using him? He’s the one getting free lifts.
Louisa: But she’s so much older...
Jack: She’s only twenty-two
Louisa: Yeah, but Scott has the mental age of a ten year-old
Jack: He knows how to look after himself. Remember he’s living alone now.
Louisa: I thought his sister was looking after him
Jack: Yeah, but she’s not there half the time. He does all his own cooking and washing and everything.
Louisa: I still think there’s too much of an age gap. The laws are there for a reason.
Jack: Proof that people do genuinely care more about protecting their own kids than screwing other people's
Jack: He got picked up by Marlene
Louisa: Don’t you find that a bit creepy?
Jack: I find everything involving Scott a bit creepy
Louisa: Yeah, but don’t you feel she’s using him?
Jack: Using him? He’s the one getting free lifts.
Louisa: But she’s so much older...
Jack: She’s only twenty-two
Louisa: Yeah, but Scott has the mental age of a ten year-old
Jack: He knows how to look after himself. Remember he’s living alone now.
Louisa: I thought his sister was looking after him
Jack: Yeah, but she’s not there half the time. He does all his own cooking and washing and everything.
Louisa: I still think there’s too much of an age gap. The laws are there for a reason.
Jack: Proof that people do genuinely care more about protecting their own kids than screwing other people's
Bus XLI
Louisa: I’m sick of this bus. Watching the world whizz by, unable to touch it. Who knows what we’re missing out on?
Scott: I just wish I could teleport home
Louisa: Look how fat and greasy we are, never walking further than the bus stop and then gobbling down a load of snacks
Jack: Speak for yourself
Louisa: Why don’t we get off at the next stop and walk? Think of the adventures we’ll have. Think of the self-improvement.
Jack: If we must. You coming, Scott?
Scott: I guess...
Louisa: You won’t regret it
They disembark. Outside it’s cold and near-dark. A wolf howls in the distance.
Louisa: What time’s the next bus?
Scott: I just wish I could teleport home
Louisa: Look how fat and greasy we are, never walking further than the bus stop and then gobbling down a load of snacks
Jack: Speak for yourself
Louisa: Why don’t we get off at the next stop and walk? Think of the adventures we’ll have. Think of the self-improvement.
Jack: If we must. You coming, Scott?
Scott: I guess...
Louisa: You won’t regret it
They disembark. Outside it’s cold and near-dark. A wolf howls in the distance.
Louisa: What time’s the next bus?
Bus XL
Louisa: Amy Poincaré reckons hair straighteners are humanity’s greatest invention
Jack: I guess they must come in handy...if you have curly hair
Louisa: Well yeah, but humanity’s greatest invention? Everybody knows that’s the Internet.
Jack: Nah, it’s gotta be something medical. Antibiotics or something.
Louisa: No point being healthy if you can’t watch funny videos on demand. What d’you think, Scott? Humanity’s greatest invention?
Scott: Straws
Louisa: Why’s that?
Scott: They mean you can drink and eat at the same time, with different sides of your mouth. No more choosing.
Jack: No more chewing either, by the sounds of it
Jack: I guess they must come in handy...if you have curly hair
Louisa: Well yeah, but humanity’s greatest invention? Everybody knows that’s the Internet.
Jack: Nah, it’s gotta be something medical. Antibiotics or something.
Louisa: No point being healthy if you can’t watch funny videos on demand. What d’you think, Scott? Humanity’s greatest invention?
Scott: Straws
Louisa: Why’s that?
Scott: They mean you can drink and eat at the same time, with different sides of your mouth. No more choosing.
Jack: No more chewing either, by the sounds of it
Bus XXXIX
Louisa: Is it true Scott’s been suspended?
Jack: Afraid so. Three days.
Louisa: That’s a shame
Jack: The school takes a tough line on nudity
Louisa: I think he had a point though - it isn’t mentioned in the handbook
Jack: Apparently they felt it was implied
Louisa: Oh well, at least nobody’s gonna forget that fez in a hurry
Jack: True. For better or worse, he’s certainly tainted the legacy of Mr Snick.
Jack: Afraid so. Three days.
Louisa: That’s a shame
Jack: The school takes a tough line on nudity
Louisa: I think he had a point though - it isn’t mentioned in the handbook
Jack: Apparently they felt it was implied
Louisa: Oh well, at least nobody’s gonna forget that fez in a hurry
Jack: True. For better or worse, he’s certainly tainted the legacy of Mr Snick.
Bus XXXVIII
Scott: What’s your leaving present for Mr Snick?
Louisa: Nothing. I hate Mr Snick.
Scott: You hate Mr Snick? How? He’s a legend. He wears a fez!
Louisa: His hands always smell of chalk...and he doesn’t even have a chalkboard, so that must be the actual natural smell of his hands
Scott: Fez trumps all
Louisa: Look, I'm starting to worry about Jack. He's so cut up over Lizzie. It isn't healthy.
Scott: Yeah, whatever. If I start wearing a fez after Mr Snick’s gone, will it look like I’m ripping him off?
Louisa: Yes...unless you can make people stop associating it with him and start associating it with you
Louisa: Nothing. I hate Mr Snick.
Scott: You hate Mr Snick? How? He’s a legend. He wears a fez!
Louisa: His hands always smell of chalk...and he doesn’t even have a chalkboard, so that must be the actual natural smell of his hands
Scott: Fez trumps all
Louisa: Look, I'm starting to worry about Jack. He's so cut up over Lizzie. It isn't healthy.
Scott: Yeah, whatever. If I start wearing a fez after Mr Snick’s gone, will it look like I’m ripping him off?
Louisa: Yes...unless you can make people stop associating it with him and start associating it with you
Bus XXXVII
All three are sitting across the backseat. Jack is in the middle, visibly depressed. Louisa is drinking cola.
Scott: Can I have a bit?
Louisa: Sure
Louisa passes the bottle to Jack, who passes it to Scott
Scott: Thanks
Louisa: No problem
Scott: Sugar-free? Why not cut my heart out while you’re at it?
Louisa: Believe me, it’s tempting. Do you want some or not?
Scott: Forget it
Scott passes the bottle back to Jack, who this time clings to it with longing
Jack: Does Lizzie smell of flowers, or do flowers smell of Lizzie?
Scott: Can I have a bit?
Louisa: Sure
Louisa passes the bottle to Jack, who passes it to Scott
Scott: Thanks
Louisa: No problem
Scott: Sugar-free? Why not cut my heart out while you’re at it?
Louisa: Believe me, it’s tempting. Do you want some or not?
Scott: Forget it
Scott passes the bottle back to Jack, who this time clings to it with longing
Jack: Does Lizzie smell of flowers, or do flowers smell of Lizzie?
Bus XXXVI
Scott is alone; he dials a number on his mobile phone.
Scott: Hi, this is Scott Buckley. Can I talk to my mum again, please? Just quickly? Thanks.
Pause
Scott: Hi, Mum. Yeah, fine. Just realised I forgot to ask about the earmuffs.
Pause
Scott: Yeah, I reckon they muffle it sometimes anyway
Pause
Scott: Cotton wool would work, I guess
Pause
Scott: Nah, just use tissues for that
Pause
Scott: Don’t worry about it. Take as long as you need.
Pause
Scott: Thanks. Speak soon, Mum. I love you.
Scott puts phone in his pocket, looks out of the window, and sighs
Scott: Hi, this is Scott Buckley. Can I talk to my mum again, please? Just quickly? Thanks.
Pause
Scott: Hi, Mum. Yeah, fine. Just realised I forgot to ask about the earmuffs.
Pause
Scott: Yeah, I reckon they muffle it sometimes anyway
Pause
Scott: Cotton wool would work, I guess
Pause
Scott: Nah, just use tissues for that
Pause
Scott: Don’t worry about it. Take as long as you need.
Pause
Scott: Thanks. Speak soon, Mum. I love you.
Scott puts phone in his pocket, looks out of the window, and sighs
Bus XXXV
Louisa: Y’know, all the major events of my life have happened along this bus route
Jack: How come?
Louisa: Well, obviously I was born in the hospital...
Jack: Is the hospital on this bus route?
Louisa: Yeah
Jack: Okay
Louisa: ...and obviously I went to all the schools...
Jack: Is your Primary on this bus route?
Louisa: Yes!
Jack: Just asking
Louisa: So yeah, a lot of stuff
Jack: What, that’s it? Schools and a hospital? They’re your major events?
Louisa: Well no, my bank’s on this route too. And the office where my mum works. And the lamp-post where I put flowers for Mia every anniversary.
Jack: That’s nothing. Scott’s been knocked down three times on this bus route. He was conceived on this bus route!
Louisa: Well, maybe more stuff will happen to me along here soon
Jack: True. You could be buried in the graveyard, for example.
Louisa: Aren’t they closing that graveyard?
Jack: Yep...but not ‘til July
Jack: How come?
Louisa: Well, obviously I was born in the hospital...
Jack: Is the hospital on this bus route?
Louisa: Yeah
Jack: Okay
Louisa: ...and obviously I went to all the schools...
Jack: Is your Primary on this bus route?
Louisa: Yes!
Jack: Just asking
Louisa: So yeah, a lot of stuff
Jack: What, that’s it? Schools and a hospital? They’re your major events?
Louisa: Well no, my bank’s on this route too. And the office where my mum works. And the lamp-post where I put flowers for Mia every anniversary.
Jack: That’s nothing. Scott’s been knocked down three times on this bus route. He was conceived on this bus route!
Louisa: Well, maybe more stuff will happen to me along here soon
Jack: True. You could be buried in the graveyard, for example.
Louisa: Aren’t they closing that graveyard?
Jack: Yep...but not ‘til July
Bus XXXIV
Jack: Cinema tonight?
Scott: Is Alby coming?
Jack: Alby’s gone
Scott: Gone?
Jack: Yeah, he’s transferred to Brooks Academy
Louisa (in a caricature of Alby’s voice): My long, lonely search for an intellectual equal...continues
Scott: Is Alby coming?
Jack: Alby’s gone
Scott: Gone?
Jack: Yeah, he’s transferred to Brooks Academy
Louisa (in a caricature of Alby’s voice): My long, lonely search for an intellectual equal...continues
Bus XXXIII
Scott: Where’s Jack?
Louisa: He’s cycling to school today
Scott: Cycling? Who the hell cycles to school?
Louisa: Alby does. And I would too if you hadn't leaned my bike against that recycling bin.
Scott: I've said I'm sorry
Louisa: Mmm
Scott: How was the cinema?
Louisa: Okay
Scott: What did you see?
Louisa: It was this 3-D documentary about barnacles
Scott: Barnacles? I s'pose Alby chose that?
Louisa: As a matter of fact, he did. And he seemed to enjoy it, which is what matters.
Scott: Still, wasn’t there anything better on?
Louisa: He only watches documentaries. Says anything else is just fairytales for babies.
Scott: Fairytales for babies?
Louisa: Stop repeating what I say. It's vulgar.
Scott: Vulgar?
Louisa: Yes, now please be quiet. I must finish this by lunchtime, so I can attend Alby’s book group.
Louisa: He’s cycling to school today
Scott: Cycling? Who the hell cycles to school?
Louisa: Alby does. And I would too if you hadn't leaned my bike against that recycling bin.
Scott: I've said I'm sorry
Louisa: Mmm
Scott: How was the cinema?
Louisa: Okay
Scott: What did you see?
Louisa: It was this 3-D documentary about barnacles
Scott: Barnacles? I s'pose Alby chose that?
Louisa: As a matter of fact, he did. And he seemed to enjoy it, which is what matters.
Scott: Still, wasn’t there anything better on?
Louisa: He only watches documentaries. Says anything else is just fairytales for babies.
Scott: Fairytales for babies?
Louisa: Stop repeating what I say. It's vulgar.
Scott: Vulgar?
Louisa: Yes, now please be quiet. I must finish this by lunchtime, so I can attend Alby’s book group.
Bus XXXII
Scott: Cinema tonight?
Louisa: Sounds good
Jack: Can Alby come?
Louisa: Who’s Alby?
Scott: Albert Winterson. His new best friend.
Jack: He’s just this new guy in our tutor group. He knows all about Plato and Buddha and Nietzsche. He uses them to show us where we’re going wrong in our lives.
Scott: He’s a dick. Anyone can read a load of books. It takes actual effort to finish Wizard’s Palace III or know who won every World Cup.
Jack: Scott’s what Alby calls an unbeliever. He says all the unbelievers will be vanquished soon.
Louisa: Vanquished? What does that mean?
Jack: I think it means they’ll be flipping burgers for us
Louisa: He can come. Sounds funny.
Scott: I’m not coming if he does
Jack: That’s okay, you wouldn’t be allowed anyway. Alby’s put you on his blacklist.
Louisa: Sounds good
Jack: Can Alby come?
Louisa: Who’s Alby?
Scott: Albert Winterson. His new best friend.
Jack: He’s just this new guy in our tutor group. He knows all about Plato and Buddha and Nietzsche. He uses them to show us where we’re going wrong in our lives.
Scott: He’s a dick. Anyone can read a load of books. It takes actual effort to finish Wizard’s Palace III or know who won every World Cup.
Jack: Scott’s what Alby calls an unbeliever. He says all the unbelievers will be vanquished soon.
Louisa: Vanquished? What does that mean?
Jack: I think it means they’ll be flipping burgers for us
Louisa: He can come. Sounds funny.
Scott: I’m not coming if he does
Jack: That’s okay, you wouldn’t be allowed anyway. Alby’s put you on his blacklist.
Bus XXXI
Louisa: Hey, you see the woods over there? Just behind the school.
Jack and Scott turn to see
Scott: They’re on fire!
Louisa: Nah, it’s a controlled burning. Somebody’s chucking books into it.
Jack: Christ, isn’t that the Head Librarian!
Scott: Looks like her
Louisa: So that’s why she wasn’t in at lunchtime!
Jack: You keep close track of her movements?
Louisa: I had a problem bringing back a book. The new check-in system wouldn’t accept it and only the Head Librarian can over-rule the machines. They said I’d have to wait 'til she was in.
Jack: Oh yeah, that happened to Gavin Turndale too. He tried to bring back a book and it wouldn’t let him - and the Head Librarian was, again, missing from the scene – so he got a fine the next day.
Louisa: Doesn’t it seem odd that the new system has made it so easy to take out books and so tricky to bring them back?
Scott: It’s like they want us to keep the books at home
Jack: And now the Head Librarian’s burning some in the woods
Louisa: I guess they just don’t have enough room for all the books anymore. What with the computers and the conference suites and everything.
Jack and Scott turn to see
Scott: They’re on fire!
Louisa: Nah, it’s a controlled burning. Somebody’s chucking books into it.
Jack: Christ, isn’t that the Head Librarian!
Scott: Looks like her
Louisa: So that’s why she wasn’t in at lunchtime!
Jack: You keep close track of her movements?
Louisa: I had a problem bringing back a book. The new check-in system wouldn’t accept it and only the Head Librarian can over-rule the machines. They said I’d have to wait 'til she was in.
Jack: Oh yeah, that happened to Gavin Turndale too. He tried to bring back a book and it wouldn’t let him - and the Head Librarian was, again, missing from the scene – so he got a fine the next day.
Louisa: Doesn’t it seem odd that the new system has made it so easy to take out books and so tricky to bring them back?
Scott: It’s like they want us to keep the books at home
Jack: And now the Head Librarian’s burning some in the woods
Louisa: I guess they just don’t have enough room for all the books anymore. What with the computers and the conference suites and everything.
Bus XXX
Louisa: You been in the new library yet?
Jack: Nope. Is it good?
Louisa: Insanely good. The check-out machines are so fast. They make the old ones seem like some kind of sick joke.
Scott: Yeah, no more standing around. People won’t even know you’re taking books out. You can just pretend you’ve tripped and dropped them in the slot by mistake.
Louisa: I foresee a bright and prosperous future for us all
Jack: Nope. Is it good?
Louisa: Insanely good. The check-out machines are so fast. They make the old ones seem like some kind of sick joke.
Scott: Yeah, no more standing around. People won’t even know you’re taking books out. You can just pretend you’ve tripped and dropped them in the slot by mistake.
Louisa: I foresee a bright and prosperous future for us all
Bus XXIX
Louisa: I’m so looking forward to the new library. No more odours!
Scott: There’s gonna be a new library?
Louisa: The loud drilling noises didn’t tip you off?
Scott: Figured that's the sound of my heart or lungs or something. I was so pleased I could hear them at last.
Louisa: Well, you must’ve seen all the signs?
Jack: He doesn’t read signs. On principle.
Scott: They cramp my style
Louisa: Cramp your style?
Scott: Yeah. I’d rather fall down a hole than be told to walk on the other side of the road.
Scott: There’s gonna be a new library?
Louisa: The loud drilling noises didn’t tip you off?
Scott: Figured that's the sound of my heart or lungs or something. I was so pleased I could hear them at last.
Louisa: Well, you must’ve seen all the signs?
Jack: He doesn’t read signs. On principle.
Scott: They cramp my style
Louisa: Cramp your style?
Scott: Yeah. I’d rather fall down a hole than be told to walk on the other side of the road.
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