Scott: What’s your leaving present for Mr Snick?
Louisa: Nothing. I hate Mr Snick.
Scott: You hate Mr Snick? How? He’s a legend. He wears a fez!
Louisa: His hands always smell of chalk...and he doesn’t even have a chalkboard, so that must be the actual natural smell of his hands
Scott: Fez trumps all
Louisa: Look, I'm starting to worry about Jack. He's so cut up over Lizzie. It isn't healthy.
Scott: Yeah, whatever. If I start wearing a fez after Mr Snick’s gone, will it look like I’m ripping him off?
Louisa: Yes...unless you can make people stop associating it with him and start associating it with you
Bus XXXVII
All three are sitting across the backseat. Jack is in the middle, visibly depressed. Louisa is drinking cola.
Scott: Can I have a bit?
Louisa: Sure
Louisa passes the bottle to Jack, who passes it to Scott
Scott: Thanks
Louisa: No problem
Scott: Sugar-free? Why not cut my heart out while you’re at it?
Louisa: Believe me, it’s tempting. Do you want some or not?
Scott: Forget it
Scott passes the bottle back to Jack, who this time clings to it with longing
Jack: Does Lizzie smell of flowers, or do flowers smell of Lizzie?
Scott: Can I have a bit?
Louisa: Sure
Louisa passes the bottle to Jack, who passes it to Scott
Scott: Thanks
Louisa: No problem
Scott: Sugar-free? Why not cut my heart out while you’re at it?
Louisa: Believe me, it’s tempting. Do you want some or not?
Scott: Forget it
Scott passes the bottle back to Jack, who this time clings to it with longing
Jack: Does Lizzie smell of flowers, or do flowers smell of Lizzie?
Bus XXXVI
Scott is alone; he dials a number on his mobile phone.
Scott: Hi, this is Scott Buckley. Can I talk to my mum again, please? Just quickly? Thanks.
Pause
Scott: Hi, Mum. Yeah, fine. Just realised I forgot to ask about the earmuffs.
Pause
Scott: Yeah, I reckon they muffle it sometimes anyway
Pause
Scott: Cotton wool would work, I guess
Pause
Scott: Nah, just use tissues for that
Pause
Scott: Don’t worry about it. Take as long as you need.
Pause
Scott: Thanks. Speak soon, Mum. I love you.
Scott puts phone in his pocket, looks out of the window, and sighs
Scott: Hi, this is Scott Buckley. Can I talk to my mum again, please? Just quickly? Thanks.
Pause
Scott: Hi, Mum. Yeah, fine. Just realised I forgot to ask about the earmuffs.
Pause
Scott: Yeah, I reckon they muffle it sometimes anyway
Pause
Scott: Cotton wool would work, I guess
Pause
Scott: Nah, just use tissues for that
Pause
Scott: Don’t worry about it. Take as long as you need.
Pause
Scott: Thanks. Speak soon, Mum. I love you.
Scott puts phone in his pocket, looks out of the window, and sighs
Bus XXXV
Louisa: Y’know, all the major events of my life have happened along this bus route
Jack: How come?
Louisa: Well, obviously I was born in the hospital...
Jack: Is the hospital on this bus route?
Louisa: Yeah
Jack: Okay
Louisa: ...and obviously I went to all the schools...
Jack: Is your Primary on this bus route?
Louisa: Yes!
Jack: Just asking
Louisa: So yeah, a lot of stuff
Jack: What, that’s it? Schools and a hospital? They’re your major events?
Louisa: Well no, my bank’s on this route too. And the office where my mum works. And the lamp-post where I put flowers for Mia every anniversary.
Jack: That’s nothing. Scott’s been knocked down three times on this bus route. He was conceived on this bus route!
Louisa: Well, maybe more stuff will happen to me along here soon
Jack: True. You could be buried in the graveyard, for example.
Louisa: Aren’t they closing that graveyard?
Jack: Yep...but not ‘til July
Jack: How come?
Louisa: Well, obviously I was born in the hospital...
Jack: Is the hospital on this bus route?
Louisa: Yeah
Jack: Okay
Louisa: ...and obviously I went to all the schools...
Jack: Is your Primary on this bus route?
Louisa: Yes!
Jack: Just asking
Louisa: So yeah, a lot of stuff
Jack: What, that’s it? Schools and a hospital? They’re your major events?
Louisa: Well no, my bank’s on this route too. And the office where my mum works. And the lamp-post where I put flowers for Mia every anniversary.
Jack: That’s nothing. Scott’s been knocked down three times on this bus route. He was conceived on this bus route!
Louisa: Well, maybe more stuff will happen to me along here soon
Jack: True. You could be buried in the graveyard, for example.
Louisa: Aren’t they closing that graveyard?
Jack: Yep...but not ‘til July
Bus XXXIV
Jack: Cinema tonight?
Scott: Is Alby coming?
Jack: Alby’s gone
Scott: Gone?
Jack: Yeah, he’s transferred to Brooks Academy
Louisa (in a caricature of Alby’s voice): My long, lonely search for an intellectual equal...continues
Scott: Is Alby coming?
Jack: Alby’s gone
Scott: Gone?
Jack: Yeah, he’s transferred to Brooks Academy
Louisa (in a caricature of Alby’s voice): My long, lonely search for an intellectual equal...continues
Bus XXXIII
Scott: Where’s Jack?
Louisa: He’s cycling to school today
Scott: Cycling? Who the hell cycles to school?
Louisa: Alby does. And I would too if you hadn't leaned my bike against that recycling bin.
Scott: I've said I'm sorry
Louisa: Mmm
Scott: How was the cinema?
Louisa: Okay
Scott: What did you see?
Louisa: It was this 3-D documentary about barnacles
Scott: Barnacles? I s'pose Alby chose that?
Louisa: As a matter of fact, he did. And he seemed to enjoy it, which is what matters.
Scott: Still, wasn’t there anything better on?
Louisa: He only watches documentaries. Says anything else is just fairytales for babies.
Scott: Fairytales for babies?
Louisa: Stop repeating what I say. It's vulgar.
Scott: Vulgar?
Louisa: Yes, now please be quiet. I must finish this by lunchtime, so I can attend Alby’s book group.
Louisa: He’s cycling to school today
Scott: Cycling? Who the hell cycles to school?
Louisa: Alby does. And I would too if you hadn't leaned my bike against that recycling bin.
Scott: I've said I'm sorry
Louisa: Mmm
Scott: How was the cinema?
Louisa: Okay
Scott: What did you see?
Louisa: It was this 3-D documentary about barnacles
Scott: Barnacles? I s'pose Alby chose that?
Louisa: As a matter of fact, he did. And he seemed to enjoy it, which is what matters.
Scott: Still, wasn’t there anything better on?
Louisa: He only watches documentaries. Says anything else is just fairytales for babies.
Scott: Fairytales for babies?
Louisa: Stop repeating what I say. It's vulgar.
Scott: Vulgar?
Louisa: Yes, now please be quiet. I must finish this by lunchtime, so I can attend Alby’s book group.
Bus XXXII
Scott: Cinema tonight?
Louisa: Sounds good
Jack: Can Alby come?
Louisa: Who’s Alby?
Scott: Albert Winterson. His new best friend.
Jack: He’s just this new guy in our tutor group. He knows all about Plato and Buddha and Nietzsche. He uses them to show us where we’re going wrong in our lives.
Scott: He’s a dick. Anyone can read a load of books. It takes actual effort to finish Wizard’s Palace III or know who won every World Cup.
Jack: Scott’s what Alby calls an unbeliever. He says all the unbelievers will be vanquished soon.
Louisa: Vanquished? What does that mean?
Jack: I think it means they’ll be flipping burgers for us
Louisa: He can come. Sounds funny.
Scott: I’m not coming if he does
Jack: That’s okay, you wouldn’t be allowed anyway. Alby’s put you on his blacklist.
Louisa: Sounds good
Jack: Can Alby come?
Louisa: Who’s Alby?
Scott: Albert Winterson. His new best friend.
Jack: He’s just this new guy in our tutor group. He knows all about Plato and Buddha and Nietzsche. He uses them to show us where we’re going wrong in our lives.
Scott: He’s a dick. Anyone can read a load of books. It takes actual effort to finish Wizard’s Palace III or know who won every World Cup.
Jack: Scott’s what Alby calls an unbeliever. He says all the unbelievers will be vanquished soon.
Louisa: Vanquished? What does that mean?
Jack: I think it means they’ll be flipping burgers for us
Louisa: He can come. Sounds funny.
Scott: I’m not coming if he does
Jack: That’s okay, you wouldn’t be allowed anyway. Alby’s put you on his blacklist.
Bus XXXI
Louisa: Hey, you see the woods over there? Just behind the school.
Jack and Scott turn to see
Scott: They’re on fire!
Louisa: Nah, it’s a controlled burning. Somebody’s chucking books into it.
Jack: Christ, isn’t that the Head Librarian!
Scott: Looks like her
Louisa: So that’s why she wasn’t in at lunchtime!
Jack: You keep close track of her movements?
Louisa: I had a problem bringing back a book. The new check-in system wouldn’t accept it and only the Head Librarian can over-rule the machines. They said I’d have to wait 'til she was in.
Jack: Oh yeah, that happened to Gavin Turndale too. He tried to bring back a book and it wouldn’t let him - and the Head Librarian was, again, missing from the scene – so he got a fine the next day.
Louisa: Doesn’t it seem odd that the new system has made it so easy to take out books and so tricky to bring them back?
Scott: It’s like they want us to keep the books at home
Jack: And now the Head Librarian’s burning some in the woods
Louisa: I guess they just don’t have enough room for all the books anymore. What with the computers and the conference suites and everything.
Jack and Scott turn to see
Scott: They’re on fire!
Louisa: Nah, it’s a controlled burning. Somebody’s chucking books into it.
Jack: Christ, isn’t that the Head Librarian!
Scott: Looks like her
Louisa: So that’s why she wasn’t in at lunchtime!
Jack: You keep close track of her movements?
Louisa: I had a problem bringing back a book. The new check-in system wouldn’t accept it and only the Head Librarian can over-rule the machines. They said I’d have to wait 'til she was in.
Jack: Oh yeah, that happened to Gavin Turndale too. He tried to bring back a book and it wouldn’t let him - and the Head Librarian was, again, missing from the scene – so he got a fine the next day.
Louisa: Doesn’t it seem odd that the new system has made it so easy to take out books and so tricky to bring them back?
Scott: It’s like they want us to keep the books at home
Jack: And now the Head Librarian’s burning some in the woods
Louisa: I guess they just don’t have enough room for all the books anymore. What with the computers and the conference suites and everything.
Bus XXX
Louisa: You been in the new library yet?
Jack: Nope. Is it good?
Louisa: Insanely good. The check-out machines are so fast. They make the old ones seem like some kind of sick joke.
Scott: Yeah, no more standing around. People won’t even know you’re taking books out. You can just pretend you’ve tripped and dropped them in the slot by mistake.
Louisa: I foresee a bright and prosperous future for us all
Jack: Nope. Is it good?
Louisa: Insanely good. The check-out machines are so fast. They make the old ones seem like some kind of sick joke.
Scott: Yeah, no more standing around. People won’t even know you’re taking books out. You can just pretend you’ve tripped and dropped them in the slot by mistake.
Louisa: I foresee a bright and prosperous future for us all
Bus XXIX
Louisa: I’m so looking forward to the new library. No more odours!
Scott: There’s gonna be a new library?
Louisa: The loud drilling noises didn’t tip you off?
Scott: Figured that's the sound of my heart or lungs or something. I was so pleased I could hear them at last.
Louisa: Well, you must’ve seen all the signs?
Jack: He doesn’t read signs. On principle.
Scott: They cramp my style
Louisa: Cramp your style?
Scott: Yeah. I’d rather fall down a hole than be told to walk on the other side of the road.
Scott: There’s gonna be a new library?
Louisa: The loud drilling noises didn’t tip you off?
Scott: Figured that's the sound of my heart or lungs or something. I was so pleased I could hear them at last.
Louisa: Well, you must’ve seen all the signs?
Jack: He doesn’t read signs. On principle.
Scott: They cramp my style
Louisa: Cramp your style?
Scott: Yeah. I’d rather fall down a hole than be told to walk on the other side of the road.
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