Jack: Did you hear the Council’s sacked the Safety Man?
Louisa: Who?
Jack: That guy who’d come round all the schools every year and talk about road safety
Louisa: Him? But he was really good. I literally never cross the road without looking both ways now.
Jack: Well, exactly. Scott’s the only student who’s been knocked down in the past five years, so they don’t see the need anymore.
Louisa: Doesn’t seem fair somehow, does it
Bus LXXV
Scott: What’s that leaflet?
Louisa: It’s about the Theme Weeks. Didn’t you get one?
Scott: I had to take Ronnie Phelps to the office. He tripped over his shoelaces again.
Louisa: Well, Bread Week starts today. If we’re good, we’ll have a baking class on Friday. And then next week is Circus Week.
Scott: I don’t care about them. When’s Fun Week? I heard there was a Fun Week.
Louisa: That was last week
Scott: But they only told us about them today
Louisa: Yeah, apparently there was some delay printing the leaflets
Jack: They were probably having too much fun
Louisa: It’s about the Theme Weeks. Didn’t you get one?
Scott: I had to take Ronnie Phelps to the office. He tripped over his shoelaces again.
Louisa: Well, Bread Week starts today. If we’re good, we’ll have a baking class on Friday. And then next week is Circus Week.
Scott: I don’t care about them. When’s Fun Week? I heard there was a Fun Week.
Louisa: That was last week
Scott: But they only told us about them today
Louisa: Yeah, apparently there was some delay printing the leaflets
Jack: They were probably having too much fun
Bus LXXIV
Louisa: Nice hat
Scott: Thanks
Louisa: Can I try it on?
Scott: Sure
Louisa: Argh, too tight
Scott: It’s ‘one size fits all’
Louisa: Great. Even the hats think I’m a freak.
Scott: Thanks
Louisa: Can I try it on?
Scott: Sure
Louisa: Argh, too tight
Scott: It’s ‘one size fits all’
Louisa: Great. Even the hats think I’m a freak.
Bus LXXIII
Jack: What’s up?
Louisa: Marcia Wallace laughed at my bag. Why’ve people got to be so fucking nasty?
Jack: Let me tell you a story
Louisa: I don’t want a story
Jack: Well, tough, cos I’m gonna tell it anyway. I knew this kid once, right, who’d come in every day to tutorial and his friends would all laugh at him.
Louisa: Why?
Jack: Well, that’s what he kept wondering too. And he couldn’t ask, cos then they’d know he was bothered by it. So one weekend he figured it must be his hair –and he did have bad hair - so he went to a really stylish barber.
Louisa: Did it work?
Jack: Nope, on Monday his friends laughed even harder. So the next weekend he figured maybe it was this baggy coat he always wore.
Scott: Baggy can be cool
Jack: This was, like, homeless baggy
Scott: Ah, okay
Jack: So he got a new jacket, but come Monday they were still laughing. Then it was his shoes, and contact lenses instead of glasses. You get the idea. None of it worked.
Louisa: Harsh
Jack: Yeah, well, I don’t make the rules. But eventually he just gave up and asked, ‘Why’d you keep laughing at me?’
Louisa: This is my stop
Jack: Don’t you wanna hear the end?
Louisa shrugs and exits
Scott: I do. What’d they say?
Jack: They said, ‘It’s that look you get on your face, when you know we’re about to laugh at you.’
Louisa: Marcia Wallace laughed at my bag. Why’ve people got to be so fucking nasty?
Jack: Let me tell you a story
Louisa: I don’t want a story
Jack: Well, tough, cos I’m gonna tell it anyway. I knew this kid once, right, who’d come in every day to tutorial and his friends would all laugh at him.
Louisa: Why?
Jack: Well, that’s what he kept wondering too. And he couldn’t ask, cos then they’d know he was bothered by it. So one weekend he figured it must be his hair –and he did have bad hair - so he went to a really stylish barber.
Louisa: Did it work?
Jack: Nope, on Monday his friends laughed even harder. So the next weekend he figured maybe it was this baggy coat he always wore.
Scott: Baggy can be cool
Jack: This was, like, homeless baggy
Scott: Ah, okay
Jack: So he got a new jacket, but come Monday they were still laughing. Then it was his shoes, and contact lenses instead of glasses. You get the idea. None of it worked.
Louisa: Harsh
Jack: Yeah, well, I don’t make the rules. But eventually he just gave up and asked, ‘Why’d you keep laughing at me?’
Louisa: This is my stop
Jack: Don’t you wanna hear the end?
Louisa shrugs and exits
Scott: I do. What’d they say?
Jack: They said, ‘It’s that look you get on your face, when you know we’re about to laugh at you.’
Bus LXXI
Scott: What’s that form?
Louisa: School Council elections
Scott: Did you get me one?
Louisa: Couldn’t. Only the Gifted kids are allowed to vote.
Scott: Why? I wanted to vote for the recycling people.
Jack: I guess they felt we’re the only ones who’ll put enough thought into our choice
Louisa: And yet the ballot has three spelling mistakes on it
Jack: That’s probably part of the test. They only count your vote if you write a little note to complain about the spelling mistakes.
Louisa: Why are there so many candidates? I don’t wanna read all this.
Jack: I might just vote for the Smarties. They promise to make sure teachers concentrate on the top students.
Louisa: Like we need another distraction from the learning process. How about the Own-Learners? They want kids to be left alone ‘unless we specifically ask for help’.
Jack: Then what are my parents’ taxes even paying for? A babysitter?
Louisa: Aren’t any of the parties interested in disadvantaged kids?
Jack: Only the one that wants them herded into camps
Louisa: Well, let’s just vote for that guy at the top. He’s got a nice smile.
Jack: I’d rather vote for someone who isn't smiling. At least that way I’ll be certain they’d take the job seriously.
Louisa: Either that, or they’re evil and not afraid to show it
Jack: This is too difficult. Let’s not vote at all.
Louisa: Yeah, it’s not as if our votes really count anyway
Louisa: School Council elections
Scott: Did you get me one?
Louisa: Couldn’t. Only the Gifted kids are allowed to vote.
Scott: Why? I wanted to vote for the recycling people.
Jack: I guess they felt we’re the only ones who’ll put enough thought into our choice
Louisa: And yet the ballot has three spelling mistakes on it
Jack: That’s probably part of the test. They only count your vote if you write a little note to complain about the spelling mistakes.
Louisa: Why are there so many candidates? I don’t wanna read all this.
Jack: I might just vote for the Smarties. They promise to make sure teachers concentrate on the top students.
Louisa: Like we need another distraction from the learning process. How about the Own-Learners? They want kids to be left alone ‘unless we specifically ask for help’.
Jack: Then what are my parents’ taxes even paying for? A babysitter?
Louisa: Aren’t any of the parties interested in disadvantaged kids?
Jack: Only the one that wants them herded into camps
Louisa: Well, let’s just vote for that guy at the top. He’s got a nice smile.
Jack: I’d rather vote for someone who isn't smiling. At least that way I’ll be certain they’d take the job seriously.
Louisa: Either that, or they’re evil and not afraid to show it
Jack: This is too difficult. Let’s not vote at all.
Louisa: Yeah, it’s not as if our votes really count anyway
Bus LXXII
Jack: Cinema tonight?
Louisa: Why can’t you ever give me advance warning? I’m working at the soup kitchen tonight.
Jack: Hobo sex, huh? I guess it’s better than none at all.
Louisa: I like to do something nice for someone else once in a while
Jack: Then I guess it’d give you a deep sense of spiritual fulfilment to come clean my house?
Louisa: Why can’t you ever give me advance warning? I’m working at the soup kitchen tonight.
Jack: Hobo sex, huh? I guess it’s better than none at all.
Louisa: I like to do something nice for someone else once in a while
Jack: Then I guess it’d give you a deep sense of spiritual fulfilment to come clean my house?
Bus LXX
Scott: Can I steal a quote?
Jack: Do your own homework
Scott: All you did was Google them
Jack: Not my fault you can’t afford Internet
Louisa: Have one of mine, Scott
Scott: Thanks. Read it out?
Louisa: ''I am not young enough to know everything'' - Oscar Wilde
Jack: You gave him Oscar Wilde for nothing? Last week you wouldn’t swap grapes for a yo-yo.
Louisa: I don’t like yo-yos
Scott: What does it mean? I might get asked.
Louisa: He’s saying older people are more aware of their limitations
Jack: If they were truly aware, they wouldn’t be arrogant enough to mouth off about young people like that
Louisa: You mouth off about young people all the time
Jack: I am young. The quote protects me.
Louisa: Adults are obviously smarter than us. They have more experience.
Jack: They tell us they’re smarter, so we believe them...cos they told us they were smarter
Louisa: So you think we're smarter than adults?
Jack: I think only people who've been both are entitled to decide
Louisa: Exactly
Jack: But once people get old, they stay old. They’re never young again.
Louisa: Your point?
Jack: So they aren't impartial. They have a vested interest in saying older means smarter, and they know we can’t contradict them cos we aren't old yet. It’s a huge conspiracy.
Jack: Do your own homework
Scott: All you did was Google them
Jack: Not my fault you can’t afford Internet
Louisa: Have one of mine, Scott
Scott: Thanks. Read it out?
Louisa: ''I am not young enough to know everything'' - Oscar Wilde
Jack: You gave him Oscar Wilde for nothing? Last week you wouldn’t swap grapes for a yo-yo.
Louisa: I don’t like yo-yos
Scott: What does it mean? I might get asked.
Louisa: He’s saying older people are more aware of their limitations
Jack: If they were truly aware, they wouldn’t be arrogant enough to mouth off about young people like that
Louisa: You mouth off about young people all the time
Jack: I am young. The quote protects me.
Louisa: Adults are obviously smarter than us. They have more experience.
Jack: They tell us they’re smarter, so we believe them...cos they told us they were smarter
Louisa: So you think we're smarter than adults?
Jack: I think only people who've been both are entitled to decide
Louisa: Exactly
Jack: But once people get old, they stay old. They’re never young again.
Louisa: Your point?
Jack: So they aren't impartial. They have a vested interest in saying older means smarter, and they know we can’t contradict them cos we aren't old yet. It’s a huge conspiracy.
Bus LXIX
Louisa: What’s your favourite song?
Jack: I dunno
Louisa: C’mon, you must have some idea
Jack: I don’t want to say
Louisa: Why?
Jack: Cos you’re gonna use that magazine quiz to classify me by what type of song I say
Louisa: That’s right. Just say the first song that comes into your head.
Jack: ‘Happy Birthday to You’
Louisa: Wow, you must really like wishing people Happy Birthday
Jack: Maybe I just like the melody. But no, it’s the first song that came into my head cos we were singing it to Eddie Mangum in Geography.
Louisa: Okay, what’s the second song that comes into your head?
Jack: ‘We Wish You a Merry Christmas’
Louisa: But you don’t like Christmas either. This doesn’t make any sense.
Jack: On reflection, I think I’ll walk home
Jack: I dunno
Louisa: C’mon, you must have some idea
Jack: I don’t want to say
Louisa: Why?
Jack: Cos you’re gonna use that magazine quiz to classify me by what type of song I say
Louisa: That’s right. Just say the first song that comes into your head.
Jack: ‘Happy Birthday to You’
Louisa: Wow, you must really like wishing people Happy Birthday
Jack: Maybe I just like the melody. But no, it’s the first song that came into my head cos we were singing it to Eddie Mangum in Geography.
Louisa: Okay, what’s the second song that comes into your head?
Jack: ‘We Wish You a Merry Christmas’
Louisa: But you don’t like Christmas either. This doesn’t make any sense.
Jack: On reflection, I think I’ll walk home
Bus LXVII
Scott: Did you see that new sitcom last night?
Jack: About the PM trying different jobs? Yeah, it was pretty funny.
Louisa: Isn’t ‘Prime Minister’ supposed to be his job?
Jack: Well, they were debating how much money they should give farmers, so he went and worked on a farm, to see what it’s like
Scott: Then at the end he said ‘Maybe I’ll try this again next week’, and winked
Louisa: What did he decide about the farmers?
Jack: Didn’t give ‘em anything
Louisa: Harsh
Scott: It was only cos they played a prank on him. Took away the step-ladder so he fell in a tub of pig shit.
Louisa: Why were they collecting pig shit in a tub?
Jack: Who cares when it’s funny?
Scott: Yeah, you’ve gotta love political comedy
Jack: About the PM trying different jobs? Yeah, it was pretty funny.
Louisa: Isn’t ‘Prime Minister’ supposed to be his job?
Jack: Well, they were debating how much money they should give farmers, so he went and worked on a farm, to see what it’s like
Scott: Then at the end he said ‘Maybe I’ll try this again next week’, and winked
Louisa: What did he decide about the farmers?
Jack: Didn’t give ‘em anything
Louisa: Harsh
Scott: It was only cos they played a prank on him. Took away the step-ladder so he fell in a tub of pig shit.
Louisa: Why were they collecting pig shit in a tub?
Jack: Who cares when it’s funny?
Scott: Yeah, you’ve gotta love political comedy
Bus LXVIII
Louisa: Ever feel like you’re just going through the motions, instead of really living?
Jack: Only when I’m with you
Louisa: Wow, that was almost funny
Jack: I take comfort in knowing everyone else is wasting their life too. That, and muttering ''Fuck you, God'' under my breath.
Louisa: God isn’t the cause of your malaise
Jack: Of course not. He doesn’t exist.
Scott: Please don’t talk about God again. You did that already.
Jack: If only R.E. teachers followed the same logic...
Jack: Only when I’m with you
Louisa: Wow, that was almost funny
Jack: I take comfort in knowing everyone else is wasting their life too. That, and muttering ''Fuck you, God'' under my breath.
Louisa: God isn’t the cause of your malaise
Jack: Of course not. He doesn’t exist.
Scott: Please don’t talk about God again. You did that already.
Jack: If only R.E. teachers followed the same logic...
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