Louisa: Did you hear about Mr Finch?
Jack: What about him?
Louisa: He got arrested!
Jack: How come?
Louisa: You know how he uses his periscope to catch skivers? It turns out he stole it from the Submarine Museum on last year's trip, and when we went back there last week the staff recognised it.
Jack: Wow, returning to the scene of the crime. Rookie mistake. Why did he bring his periscope anyway?
Louisa: Well, he knew there was going to be a real-life submarine captain there, and he wanted to get it signed
Bus CII
Scott: Shit, I forgot my project
Louisa: Is your sister around? Maybe she can bring it in for you.
Scott: How can I tell her I need it though? She doesn't have a phone.
Louisa: Since when?
Scott: Well, she got sacked a couple of weeks ago...
Louisa: Oh Scott, I'm sorry
Jack: So she can't afford her phone plan anymore?
Scott: No, she just left her phone at work
Jack: And then the building was demolished?
Scott: Well, she was too embarrassed to go back and get it
Louisa: You know what she should do? Wait one evening ‘til all the people she knows have gone home, and then ask one of the friendly cleaners to let her in to get the phone back.
Jack: That might’ve worked on the first day, but it’ll have been found and locked away with the other lost property by now.
Louisa: Lost property! When will people learn?
Louisa: Is your sister around? Maybe she can bring it in for you.
Scott: How can I tell her I need it though? She doesn't have a phone.
Louisa: Since when?
Scott: Well, she got sacked a couple of weeks ago...
Louisa: Oh Scott, I'm sorry
Jack: So she can't afford her phone plan anymore?
Scott: No, she just left her phone at work
Jack: And then the building was demolished?
Scott: Well, she was too embarrassed to go back and get it
Louisa: You know what she should do? Wait one evening ‘til all the people she knows have gone home, and then ask one of the friendly cleaners to let her in to get the phone back.
Jack: That might’ve worked on the first day, but it’ll have been found and locked away with the other lost property by now.
Louisa: Lost property! When will people learn?
Bus CI
Louisa: You guys wanna come out Saturday night?
Scott: Not me
Louisa: Why’s that?
Scott: I’m just not doing Saturdays anymore. It’s too much hassle.
Louisa: What hassle?
Scott: Y’know, putting clothes on and all. Besides, I’ve got a hole in my shoe and there’s rain forecast all weekend.
Louisa: That all seems reasonable. How about you, Jack?
Jack: I’m gonna pass too. It’s so rough round here on Saturday nights now. A few weeks back I saw two gangs fighting over whose turn it was to smash up the phone-box.
Louisa: Jeez, I thought you were gonna at least let something bad happen to you before you became a shut-in
Scott: Not me
Louisa: Why’s that?
Scott: I’m just not doing Saturdays anymore. It’s too much hassle.
Louisa: What hassle?
Scott: Y’know, putting clothes on and all. Besides, I’ve got a hole in my shoe and there’s rain forecast all weekend.
Louisa: That all seems reasonable. How about you, Jack?
Jack: I’m gonna pass too. It’s so rough round here on Saturday nights now. A few weeks back I saw two gangs fighting over whose turn it was to smash up the phone-box.
Louisa: Jeez, I thought you were gonna at least let something bad happen to you before you became a shut-in
Bus C
Jack: Working on another article for the School Gazette?
Louisa: Yep
Jack: Do you ever do any actual schoolwork anymore?
Louisa: Not really. Mrs Jamboree thinks schoolwork is a waste of time.
Jack: Kind of an odd position for a teacher
Scott: Well, who'd know better than her?
Jack: So what's your article about?
Louisa: It's an exposé of the school's Gifted scheme
Jack: The one you're part of?
Louisa: I may have been working to bring it down from the inside, yeah
Jack: You've eaten an awful lot of Gifted candy for somebody who's only there to bring it down from the inside
Scott: You guys get candy?
Louisa: I'll give you some later, Scott. Right now I need you to give me some quotes about how it feels for those elitist pigs to get special candy and extra trips.
Jack: He's fine, aren't you, Scott? Something tells me he didn't have a burning desire to visit the Submarine Museum last week.
Louisa: C'mon, Scott, tell me how it feels in your own words. Would you say you're more disgusted or ashamed?
Scott: I don't really get the big deal. Apart from the candy, I mean. If you guys are so smart, maybe you should get some perks.
Jack: See, Scott doesn't need you to speak for him
Scott: Yeah, I...
Jack: Ssh, Scott. I've got this.
Louisa: Who's to say being smart is even a good thing? What if there was a special scheme for only tall students? Or only girls?
Jack: Er, what about the basketball team? Or the Feminist Society? Besides, c'mon, everyone knows being smart is a good thing
Louisa: Says who? Smart people, by any chance?
Scott: Well, they must know what they’re talking about. How else did they get to be so smart?
Louisa: Yep
Jack: Do you ever do any actual schoolwork anymore?
Louisa: Not really. Mrs Jamboree thinks schoolwork is a waste of time.
Jack: Kind of an odd position for a teacher
Scott: Well, who'd know better than her?
Jack: So what's your article about?
Louisa: It's an exposé of the school's Gifted scheme
Jack: The one you're part of?
Louisa: I may have been working to bring it down from the inside, yeah
Jack: You've eaten an awful lot of Gifted candy for somebody who's only there to bring it down from the inside
Scott: You guys get candy?
Louisa: I'll give you some later, Scott. Right now I need you to give me some quotes about how it feels for those elitist pigs to get special candy and extra trips.
Jack: He's fine, aren't you, Scott? Something tells me he didn't have a burning desire to visit the Submarine Museum last week.
Louisa: C'mon, Scott, tell me how it feels in your own words. Would you say you're more disgusted or ashamed?
Scott: I don't really get the big deal. Apart from the candy, I mean. If you guys are so smart, maybe you should get some perks.
Jack: See, Scott doesn't need you to speak for him
Scott: Yeah, I...
Jack: Ssh, Scott. I've got this.
Louisa: Who's to say being smart is even a good thing? What if there was a special scheme for only tall students? Or only girls?
Jack: Er, what about the basketball team? Or the Feminist Society? Besides, c'mon, everyone knows being smart is a good thing
Louisa: Says who? Smart people, by any chance?
Scott: Well, they must know what they’re talking about. How else did they get to be so smart?
Bus XCIX
Louisa: How come you never thank the bus driver?
Jack: Huh?
Louisa: When you get off the bus. I've noticed you never say thank you to the bus driver.
Jack: Why would I?
Louisa: Well, it's friendly, is all.
Jack: I wake up, I brush my teeth, I put on clothes. Now I have to be friendly as well?
Louisa: Okay, enough said
Jack: He's the only person on the bus who's getting paid to be here. What more does he want? A hug when he honks his horn? A pat on the back if he makes a really smashing left turn? A round of applause every time he reaches the school without killing us all in a fiery wreckage? This is his job.
Louisa: I know it's his job. That's why I always thank him.
Jack: Huh?
Louisa: When you get off the bus. I've noticed you never say thank you to the bus driver.
Jack: Why would I?
Louisa: Well, it's friendly, is all.
Jack: I wake up, I brush my teeth, I put on clothes. Now I have to be friendly as well?
Louisa: Okay, enough said
Jack: He's the only person on the bus who's getting paid to be here. What more does he want? A hug when he honks his horn? A pat on the back if he makes a really smashing left turn? A round of applause every time he reaches the school without killing us all in a fiery wreckage? This is his job.
Louisa: I know it's his job. That's why I always thank him.
Bus XCVIII
Louisa: Where's the love, losers? We haven't talked in ages.
Jack: It hasn't been that long. A week or two maybe.
Scott: Feels like longer
Jack: Besides, I've been busy
Louisa: Why's that?
Jack: Well, if you must know, I've been writing a story
Louisa: Oh. Cool.
Jack: Would you like to read it?
Louisa: I guess
Jack hands her a few sheets of paper from his bag
Jack: So what've you been up to, Scotty?
Scott: Not much, really. I keep having this horrible dream though.
Jack: That's nice
Scott: Yeah, I keep dreaming that I'm in this story that someone made up, but then they lose interest in me and I...
Louisa: Cease to exist?
Scott: Yeah
Louisa: Wow, that's pretty deep
Jack: Aren't you supposed to be reading?
Louisa: I'm done
Jack: That was quick
Louisa: I'm a speed reader
Jack: So what did you think?
Louisa: I have a few questions
Jack: Fire away
Louisa: Well, why is it all in rhyming couplets?
Jack: Duh. The main character's a poet, so it's like he views his whole life through the medium of poetry.
Louisa: They're not very good couplets
Jack: Well, maybe he's not a very good poet
Louisa: Okay, then why are all the characters called Jimmy? Isn't that a bit confusing? Even the dog's called Jimmy
Jack: (snatching it back): It’s not my fault if you can’t understand the complexity of my work
Jack: It hasn't been that long. A week or two maybe.
Scott: Feels like longer
Jack: Besides, I've been busy
Louisa: Why's that?
Jack: Well, if you must know, I've been writing a story
Louisa: Oh. Cool.
Jack: Would you like to read it?
Louisa: I guess
Jack hands her a few sheets of paper from his bag
Jack: So what've you been up to, Scotty?
Scott: Not much, really. I keep having this horrible dream though.
Jack: That's nice
Scott: Yeah, I keep dreaming that I'm in this story that someone made up, but then they lose interest in me and I...
Louisa: Cease to exist?
Scott: Yeah
Louisa: Wow, that's pretty deep
Jack: Aren't you supposed to be reading?
Louisa: I'm done
Jack: That was quick
Louisa: I'm a speed reader
Jack: So what did you think?
Louisa: I have a few questions
Jack: Fire away
Louisa: Well, why is it all in rhyming couplets?
Jack: Duh. The main character's a poet, so it's like he views his whole life through the medium of poetry.
Louisa: They're not very good couplets
Jack: Well, maybe he's not a very good poet
Louisa: Okay, then why are all the characters called Jimmy? Isn't that a bit confusing? Even the dog's called Jimmy
Jack: (snatching it back): It’s not my fault if you can’t understand the complexity of my work
Bus XCVII
Louisa: So what d’you think?
Jack: Huh?
Louisa: The Gazette? You’ve been reading it for ten minutes!
Jack: Oh, I’m trying to do the crossword in my head. It’s tricky, cos I keep forgetting which lines I’ve already solved.
Louisa: Haven’t you read my articles? I’ve been waiting for your response.
Jack: Oh, did you write the one about nappies?
Louisa: That was an advert
Jack: How about the mouthwash one?
Louisa: Also an advert
Jack: Oh, I did think the headline was a bit harsh: ‘Only a total loser would let their teeth decay’
Louisa: Yep, the School Gazette is brought to you by...corporate brainwashing
Jack: Well, I guess they couldn’t pay the bills otherwise. Besides, only a total loser would let themselves be influenced by it.
Jack: Huh?
Louisa: The Gazette? You’ve been reading it for ten minutes!
Jack: Oh, I’m trying to do the crossword in my head. It’s tricky, cos I keep forgetting which lines I’ve already solved.
Louisa: Haven’t you read my articles? I’ve been waiting for your response.
Jack: Oh, did you write the one about nappies?
Louisa: That was an advert
Jack: How about the mouthwash one?
Louisa: Also an advert
Jack: Oh, I did think the headline was a bit harsh: ‘Only a total loser would let their teeth decay’
Louisa: Yep, the School Gazette is brought to you by...corporate brainwashing
Jack: Well, I guess they couldn’t pay the bills otherwise. Besides, only a total loser would let themselves be influenced by it.
Bus XCVI
Louisa (miserable): Mrs Jamboree dumped my first article from the Gazette
Jack: The one about lowering English standards?
Louisa: I spent so long working on it too, and now they’re just gonna bury it cos they didn’t like me criticising the school
Jack: Did she even give an excuse?
Louisa: Yeah, some bullshit about how I was using too many three-syllable words
Jack: The one about lowering English standards?
Louisa: I spent so long working on it too, and now they’re just gonna bury it cos they didn’t like me criticising the school
Jack: Did she even give an excuse?
Louisa: Yeah, some bullshit about how I was using too many three-syllable words
Bus XCV
Scott: I hope Jack’s okay
Louisa: They’re doing tests, but the doctor seemed to think it was just exhaustion. He’s staying home for a few days to rest.
Scott: Maybe it was the fumes
Louisa: Fumes?
Scott: From the bus
Louisa: Aren’t the fumes usually pumped out the back?
Scott: That’s what they tell you, but my grandma always wore a gas-mask on the bus so they couldn’t get to her. I figured they’d never target kids, but maybe it’s time we started wearing gas-masks too.
Louisa: Yeah, I might do that. Have you thought about taking a few days off yourself? With all this vigilance, I think you've earned it.
Louisa: They’re doing tests, but the doctor seemed to think it was just exhaustion. He’s staying home for a few days to rest.
Scott: Maybe it was the fumes
Louisa: Fumes?
Scott: From the bus
Louisa: Aren’t the fumes usually pumped out the back?
Scott: That’s what they tell you, but my grandma always wore a gas-mask on the bus so they couldn’t get to her. I figured they’d never target kids, but maybe it’s time we started wearing gas-masks too.
Louisa: Yeah, I might do that. Have you thought about taking a few days off yourself? With all this vigilance, I think you've earned it.
Bus XCIV
Jack: I hate it when people interrupt me
Louisa: Do you think I should get a bouncy castle for my birthday party?
Jack: Not crazy about being ignored either
Louisa: I love bouncy castles
Jack: Can I finish my thought please? I was leading up to an anecdote.
Louisa: Did I ever tell you about Lorrie Blackman? She had the best bouncy castle. I still dream about it sometimes.
Jack: Aren’t we getting a little old for bouncy castles?
Louisa: Who says you’ll be invited?
Jack: Because if I’m not, it’ll just be you, Scott, and that girl you sit next to in Physics
Louisa: Maybe I’ll keep the bouncy castle all to myself
Jack: It’ll barely bounce if you’re the only person on it
Louisa: Then I’ll hire people to pretend to be my friends and bounce on it
Jack: Go ahead and do that
Louisa: If I do, it won’t be cos you gave me permission
Jack: Fine, whatever. Now, what was I saying before?
Louisa shrugs
Jack: Oh yeah, I hate it when people interr---
Louisa: Do you think I should get a bouncy castle for my birthday party?
Jack: Not crazy about being ignored either
Louisa: I love bouncy castles
Jack: Can I finish my thought please? I was leading up to an anecdote.
Louisa: Did I ever tell you about Lorrie Blackman? She had the best bouncy castle. I still dream about it sometimes.
Jack: Aren’t we getting a little old for bouncy castles?
Louisa: Who says you’ll be invited?
Jack: Because if I’m not, it’ll just be you, Scott, and that girl you sit next to in Physics
Louisa: Maybe I’ll keep the bouncy castle all to myself
Jack: It’ll barely bounce if you’re the only person on it
Louisa: Then I’ll hire people to pretend to be my friends and bounce on it
Jack: Go ahead and do that
Louisa: If I do, it won’t be cos you gave me permission
Jack: Fine, whatever. Now, what was I saying before?
Louisa shrugs
Jack: Oh yeah, I hate it when people interr---
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