Jack: My folks are taking Jane to a psychiatrist tomorrow
Louisa: Why?
Jack: Because she’s obsessed with her imaginary friend
Louisa: Oh, I had one of those! Mia Walensa.
Jack: Interesting name
Louisa: Yeah, that was during my Polish phase. I’d make everyone sing the Polish national anthem before meals - so she'd feel welcome.
Jack: You must have a very patient family
Louisa: Oh, it wasn’t only family. Just be glad I went to an All Girls’ Primary.
Jack: Well Jane’s seven now and she still talks about Flora Flinton constantly. How long did you keep on to yours?
Louisa: I murdered her when I was six
Jack: Murdered her?!
Louisa: Yeah, I pushed her in front of a car. She was such a haughty little bitch. Always fluttering her eyelashes at the boys. Had it coming.
Bus XV
Louisa: Saw you in town Sunday
Scott: Oh yeah?
Louisa: With your mum. Carrying a bowl of something.
Scott: That was soup for Old Pete. He’s this homeless guy we visit sometimes.
Louisa: Wow, that’s nice
Scott: Well, he's an old friend of my dad’s. Used to give him stock tips.
Louisa: Your dad took stock tips from a homeless guy?
Scott: He's an expert. Reads all the business pages. Fishes them out of bins.
Jack: Didn’t your dad go bankrupt and flee the country?
Scott: Yeah, but that was cos he started listening to his broker instead of Old Pete
Scott: Oh yeah?
Louisa: With your mum. Carrying a bowl of something.
Scott: That was soup for Old Pete. He’s this homeless guy we visit sometimes.
Louisa: Wow, that’s nice
Scott: Well, he's an old friend of my dad’s. Used to give him stock tips.
Louisa: Your dad took stock tips from a homeless guy?
Scott: He's an expert. Reads all the business pages. Fishes them out of bins.
Jack: Didn’t your dad go bankrupt and flee the country?
Scott: Yeah, but that was cos he started listening to his broker instead of Old Pete
Bus XIV
Louisa: Why are you wearing a hat?
Jack: It’s a thinking cap. Finally I can unleash my long-dormant creative powers.
Louisa: You’re not gonna start singing again, are you?
Jack: Who knows where the muse will take me? Perhaps I’ll write a symphony. Or a novel.
Louisa: Sounds more like a self-delusion cap
Jack: Do you enjoy tearing down people’s hopes and dreams?
Louisa: Only yours
Jack: It’s a thinking cap. Finally I can unleash my long-dormant creative powers.
Louisa: You’re not gonna start singing again, are you?
Jack: Who knows where the muse will take me? Perhaps I’ll write a symphony. Or a novel.
Louisa: Sounds more like a self-delusion cap
Jack: Do you enjoy tearing down people’s hopes and dreams?
Louisa: Only yours
Bus XIII
Jack: Do you prefer big bags of crisps or multi-pack bags?
Louisa: Why’s the driver turning here?
Scott: What’re multi-pack bags?
Jack: You know, ones with lots of little bags in them
Louisa: Guys, I think we’re on the wrong bus
Scott: They sell bags with lots of little bags inside?
Jack: You’ve never seen those?
Louisa: We’d better get off at the next stop
Scott: Nope. I'm not that big on crisps. Prefer nuts.
Louisa: Guys, we’d better get off here!
Jack: Meh, we only just got on
Scott: Yeah, I'd rather wait this one out
Louisa: Why’s the driver turning here?
Scott: What’re multi-pack bags?
Jack: You know, ones with lots of little bags in them
Louisa: Guys, I think we’re on the wrong bus
Scott: They sell bags with lots of little bags inside?
Jack: You’ve never seen those?
Louisa: We’d better get off at the next stop
Scott: Nope. I'm not that big on crisps. Prefer nuts.
Louisa: Guys, we’d better get off here!
Jack: Meh, we only just got on
Scott: Yeah, I'd rather wait this one out
Bus XII
Louisa: Where's Scott this morning?
Jack: He got off cos that couple up front kept kissing. Said it offended him.
Louisa: Offended him?
Jack: Yeah, said he'd rather walk than sit idly by while young children are corrupted.
Louisa: Wow, I never realised he was so prudish. Or so eloquent.
Jack: Yeah, he gets very upset about all the swearing on children's television too
Louisa: Swearing? They don't swear on children's television, do they?
Jack: I dunno, I only watch the adult shows
Louisa: Same here. Why do they even make children's shows?
Jack: Lets the adults feel nostalgic
Jack: He got off cos that couple up front kept kissing. Said it offended him.
Louisa: Offended him?
Jack: Yeah, said he'd rather walk than sit idly by while young children are corrupted.
Louisa: Wow, I never realised he was so prudish. Or so eloquent.
Jack: Yeah, he gets very upset about all the swearing on children's television too
Louisa: Swearing? They don't swear on children's television, do they?
Jack: I dunno, I only watch the adult shows
Louisa: Same here. Why do they even make children's shows?
Jack: Lets the adults feel nostalgic
Bus XI
Jack: Let's get a hot dog in town
Scott: Can't. Gotta visit my mum in the hospital.
Louisa: God, is she okay?
Scott: Just a burn
Louisa: Well...I hope she gets better soon
Scott: Thanks
Louisa: She found a new job yet?
Scott: 'Fraid not
Louisa: Ah, that sucks
Scott: Yeah, it's getting kinda tough. Last week we had to choose between lightbulbs or cocoa.
Scott: Can't. Gotta visit my mum in the hospital.
Louisa: God, is she okay?
Scott: Just a burn
Louisa: Well...I hope she gets better soon
Scott: Thanks
Louisa: She found a new job yet?
Scott: 'Fraid not
Louisa: Ah, that sucks
Scott: Yeah, it's getting kinda tough. Last week we had to choose between lightbulbs or cocoa.
Bus X
Scott: Lend us a tenner, will you?
Jack: Lent you twenty last week!
Scott: I know, but I’ve already spent it and I need more. Vital purchases.
Jack: Porn subscriptions aren’t vital purchases
Louisa: Ew, I dread to think what you get off on
Scott: Can’t help it if I have needs. C’mon, you know I always pay you back.
Jack: Make your own porn or something
Scott: I don’t know any fit girls
Louisa: Thanks
Scott: Well, would you do porn?
Louisa: Degrading myself for money? No, thanks.
Jack: Yeah, it’s a bit nasty. Would you, Scott?
Scott: I’m all for degradation, but porn’s so commercial these days. Men in suits demanding extra takes. It’s not for me.
Jack: Lent you twenty last week!
Scott: I know, but I’ve already spent it and I need more. Vital purchases.
Jack: Porn subscriptions aren’t vital purchases
Louisa: Ew, I dread to think what you get off on
Scott: Can’t help it if I have needs. C’mon, you know I always pay you back.
Jack: Make your own porn or something
Scott: I don’t know any fit girls
Louisa: Thanks
Scott: Well, would you do porn?
Louisa: Degrading myself for money? No, thanks.
Jack: Yeah, it’s a bit nasty. Would you, Scott?
Scott: I’m all for degradation, but porn’s so commercial these days. Men in suits demanding extra takes. It’s not for me.
Bus IX
Louisa: Where’s Scott today?
Jack: Home ill
Louisa: Oh
Jack: Yep
Louisa: Good riddance to him, I say
Jack: Ditto
Louisa: Anything funny in the news lately?
Jack: Not really. Just political stuff.
Louisa: Oh
Jack: Yep
Louisa: I wonder what Scott’s doing
Jack: Wanna phone him?
Louisa: No, better not. He might be asleep.
Jack: Oh
Louisa: Yep
Jack: Home ill
Louisa: Oh
Jack: Yep
Louisa: Good riddance to him, I say
Jack: Ditto
Louisa: Anything funny in the news lately?
Jack: Not really. Just political stuff.
Louisa: Oh
Jack: Yep
Louisa: I wonder what Scott’s doing
Jack: Wanna phone him?
Louisa: No, better not. He might be asleep.
Jack: Oh
Louisa: Yep
Bus VIII
Louisa: I don't think she was even wearing one today
Jack: This again? Is nothing sacred anymore?
Scott: She was definitely wearing it in History - Duncan O'Malley clocked it. Blue - just like yesterday.
Jack: Duncan's colourblind
Louisa: A-ha!
Scott: You sure?
Jack: I administered the test myself
Louisa: Anyway, she could easily have a pack of blue ones.
Scott: A pack of blue ones? Yeah, that's likely.
Louisa: Why can't you just face the fact this girl has multiple bras?
Scott: I'll believe it when I see it
Jack: I think we're all hoping it doesn't come to that
Louisa: There's no pattern!
Scott: What about the Alternate Thursdays Dossier?
Louisa: Have you even read the findings? Inconclusive.
Scott: What we need is a spy. In her house.
Louisa: Doesn't she have a brother?
Scott: Yeah, but he's older
Louisa: Only a couple of years! And every brother has his price!
Jack: If only you'd put this much time and effort into our Maths Project
Jack: This again? Is nothing sacred anymore?
Scott: She was definitely wearing it in History - Duncan O'Malley clocked it. Blue - just like yesterday.
Jack: Duncan's colourblind
Louisa: A-ha!
Scott: You sure?
Jack: I administered the test myself
Louisa: Anyway, she could easily have a pack of blue ones.
Scott: A pack of blue ones? Yeah, that's likely.
Louisa: Why can't you just face the fact this girl has multiple bras?
Scott: I'll believe it when I see it
Jack: I think we're all hoping it doesn't come to that
Louisa: There's no pattern!
Scott: What about the Alternate Thursdays Dossier?
Louisa: Have you even read the findings? Inconclusive.
Scott: What we need is a spy. In her house.
Louisa: Doesn't she have a brother?
Scott: Yeah, but he's older
Louisa: Only a couple of years! And every brother has his price!
Jack: If only you'd put this much time and effort into our Maths Project
Bus VII
Louisa: Why weren't you in Biology?
Scott: I was
Louisa: No, you weren't. I'd have seen you.
Scott: You did see me. Even said hello.
Louisa: Oh c'mon, I'd have remembered that!
Scott: You'd think so...but apparently not
Louisa: Where was he, Jack?
Jack: No idea. I'm not his keeper, y'know.
Scott: You seriously don't remember?
Louisa: No!
Scott: We discussed Fiona Preston's bra...
Louisa: She wasn't in today!
Scott: I know, thats what we discussed. Her absence...and whether it was bra-related.
Jack: Why would it be bra-related?
Louisa: Well, everyone says she only has one bra...
Scott: ...so the days she has off must be her laundry days
Louisa: They aren't - there's no pattern.
Jack: Couldn't her laundry day just be at the weekend?
Louisa: Here's my stop. I know you're lying to me! You were not in Biology!
Jack: Where else could he have been? You know he's not a toilet hider.
Louisa: True, he wouldn't be caught dead near a toilet. Later, losers.
Exit Louisa
Jack: So where were you really?
Scott: Counselling
Jack: Oh! Still on Truthfulness?
Scott: Yep
Scott: I was
Louisa: No, you weren't. I'd have seen you.
Scott: You did see me. Even said hello.
Louisa: Oh c'mon, I'd have remembered that!
Scott: You'd think so...but apparently not
Louisa: Where was he, Jack?
Jack: No idea. I'm not his keeper, y'know.
Scott: You seriously don't remember?
Louisa: No!
Scott: We discussed Fiona Preston's bra...
Louisa: She wasn't in today!
Scott: I know, thats what we discussed. Her absence...and whether it was bra-related.
Jack: Why would it be bra-related?
Louisa: Well, everyone says she only has one bra...
Scott: ...so the days she has off must be her laundry days
Louisa: They aren't - there's no pattern.
Jack: Couldn't her laundry day just be at the weekend?
Louisa: Here's my stop. I know you're lying to me! You were not in Biology!
Jack: Where else could he have been? You know he's not a toilet hider.
Louisa: True, he wouldn't be caught dead near a toilet. Later, losers.
Exit Louisa
Jack: So where were you really?
Scott: Counselling
Jack: Oh! Still on Truthfulness?
Scott: Yep
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